This mom Rachel told me about this article she saw on the web while researching how to handle a problem with a teacher.

How to Talk so Teachers Will Listen

Todays Parent Article from the Web (2006 issue)

And listen when teachers talk about your child

Gabrielle Bauer

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This was arguably the case with my son’s kindergarten teacher. When Jackson reached grade three, his teacher that year did see “something different” in him and recommended he undergo testing. When he was identified as gifted, I felt vindicated: I hadn’t been a delusional mother after all, and the kindergarten teacher had missed something important about my son. If you think your child may have learning differences and the school makes no provisions to have her tested, Hughes urges you to “get the testing done on your own. Yes, it can be expensive, but it could turn school around for your child.”

When do you move the fight to the principal’s office? “I’m quite happy to meet with parents to help resolve their concerns, but only after they’ve already been through the teacher,” says Kittle. Her second rule: “Wait until you’re feeling calm before talking to the principal. Don’t use the meeting as a vehicle for showing off your confrontational skills to your kids, as some parents do.”

If you get nowhere with the principal, move up to the superintendent level, and so on. Just don’t “skip rungs” as you work your way up the ladder, says Sellers, recalling how one mother “went straight to the school board to complain that the project I’d assigned was too difficult for grade-two students. Next thing I knew, a consultant came to my class to scrutinize my teaching. It was upsetting, to say the least.”

Needless to say, such tactics don’t dispose the teacher to hear out future complaints with an open mind. So fight if you must, but fight fair. “Your child is special and unique, and teachers aren’t all-knowing,” says Hughes. “Just realize you may be missing things too.”

Hearing Aids:

What the teacher says
“Your child is not working to potential.”

What the parent may hear
“My child is inherently lazy and I’m a bad parent.”

Bridging the gap
Ask the teacher to help you brainstorm ideas for motivators that suit your child’s personality, both inside and outside class.

What the teacher says
“I’ve done everything I can to help your child; he needs therapy or medication to control his behaviour.”

What the parent may hear
“My child doesn’t measure up and the teacher has given up on him.”

Bridging the gap
Help the teacher understand your child’s strengths; suggest pairing your child with a peer mentor; talk to your child’s doctor about behavioural testing.

What the parent says
“The questions on that test didn’t match what my daughter was asked to study.”

What the teacher may hear
“I’m a bad teacher who doesn’t even know how to prepare kids for tests.”

Bridging the gap
Frame your concern as a question (“I’m wondering why the test didn’t seem to reflect what my child studied”), then ask the teacher for strategies to help your child avoid this problem in the future.

What the parent says
“My child is being bullied in the schoolyard and the staff is not supporting him.”

What the teacher may hear
“We’re being accused of not following bullying protocol or noticing negative behaviours.”

Bridging the gap
Acknowledge the staff’s ongoing efforts, then ask the teacher how your child might make better use of staff and other resources to feel safer in the schoolyard.